So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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