I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
