how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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