Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
