Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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