I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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