I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
