do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
