I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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