There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
