Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
