am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
