Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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