if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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