i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
