no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
