so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
