You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
