she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
