Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
