Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
