I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
