I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
