In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I intend to get homeless drunk
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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