Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
