You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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