I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
