Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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