Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
