It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
