i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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