I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
