the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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