Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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