i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
