just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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