Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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