Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
