bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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