none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
