she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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