Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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