# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
