so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
