someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
