dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
