She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
