why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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