Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
