Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think i got beer on your cat.
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