Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
